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FUCK TV

Movie: Fuck TV

Welcome to the TV show where no secret is too filthy to share, and where every contestant is desperate to win some dirty, hard sex – and any fantasy they desire!

Scene 1: Booty on the boat
Description: Miss Dollar takes a boat trip that soon turns into an on deck fuckfest!
Starring: Cindy Dollar

Scene 2: Rubber Rose
Description: It’s the first time Rose has worn latex and it made her very hot and sticky…
Starring: Rose

Scene 3: She’s no Angel!
Description: She’s the reigning queen of porn actresses, no one can resist her, she is so beautiful and she is so damn horny!
Starring: Angel Dark

Scene 4: Outdoor temptation…
Description: Keana and Jennifer corsets are just too much of a turn on for this guy; they put him on his back and ride him for all they are worth.
Starring: Keana Moire and Jennifer Love

Scene 5: Who is the best?
Description: Vanessa gets her fetish on! See her show these two guys who is the best cock fucker they have ever had!
Starring: Vanessa May

Scene 6: Cum 4 a ride
Description: A rich guy seduces a sexy young foxtress in the back of his limousine…
Starring: Claudia Rossi

Incriminating Cum Stains: Carla Cox backstage at “Crime Sex Investigation”

“Crime Sex Investigation” has so many things going for it: it’s in solid porn territory because it has noirish elements as well as a familiar TV show that shares its initials.

More than that, however, each of the girls in it is dirty, dirty, dirty.

We talked with Carla Cox, the sultry, slutty Czech Republic native who is becoming a porn darling on several continents.

Private: Pretty women often say bad things behind each other’s backs…

Cox: Oh, they say nasty things to your face sometimes!

Private:…but it’s nice to hear when someone says something nice about you behind your back.

Cox: Absolutely! Who has said nice things about me so I can fuck her?

Private: Well, Bobbi Starr said some nice things about you, but if a fuck is the reward, I’ll go say some nice things about you behind your back right now…

Cox: Bobbi Starr is so hot.

Private: She said you were amazing on the set of “Footballers’ Wives“…

Cox: She was pretty amazing…

Private: But let’s talk about “Crime Sex Investigation.” One of the descriptions (from a Private boxcover” of your scene is “Our hero gets to bang her in both test tubes before she takes a spunk sample in the face.”

Cox: I don’t know what that means, but it sounds dirty…

Private: It is! You play a bar girl who gets picked up by a lowlife. Your pink dresss is barely there.

Cox: I remember that dress — it stayed on for most of the scene but it was covered in pussy and cum by the end of it. I don’t think I’ve worn it since because it couldn’t be cleaned off.

Private: Does that happen a lot?

Cox: More than you’d think.

Private: Well, I like the idea, so I think about it a lot.

Cox: I would say I lose several pieces of clothing a year because there’s too much cum on them.

Watch Carla Cox in “Crime Sex Investigation” here

What happens when a “Virgin Dreams” (II)

There is a chance, esteemed Private readers, that the women in this movie were not actually virgins at the time of filming “Virgin Dreams II.” But if it makes you feel any better, such is their skill and professionalism that they were able to tap into that brief period in their lives to channel what an actual virgin might dream about.

Director: Moire(*)Candy
Starring: Tarra White, Sarah Twain, Vanessa May, Natalli Di Angelo, Julie Silver

Anyone who has read “The Fountainhead” knows that the ideal of architecture is functional beauty. Thus the architect heroine of “Virgin Dreams II” wants to create buildings in which people fuck and look good while doing it.

Scene 1: B/B/G

Sarah Twain‘s house is designed in such a way that she can see swarthy workmen in the fields from her balcony. When two such dudes appear on the hillside, she hails them with the pretext of giving them some drinks. Instead, she fucks both of them.

Until they are very clearly not, all wear white. It’s like a cigarette ad.

Scene 2: B/G

Tarra White suns herself on space-age furniture in front of her space-age home. What makes this extraterrestrial landscape compelling is her outfit, which is a sort of latex bathing suit with a V-neck crotch. I was almost sad when it came off.

But come off it does, as the delicious Ms. White is serviced by yet another white-clad workman.

Scene 3: B/G

This scene brought back memories for me, because Vanessa May is interrupted whilst dusting her IKEA furniture by a man resembling Mr. Clean^TM, who criticizes her housekeeping techniques and then fucks her.

I can only imagine this very scenario is played out in marriages across the world, but with far less attractive people.

Scene 4: B/G

Finally, the ripe Natalli Di Angelo sunbathes by the pool in an outfit just begging to be ripped off her, which it in short order is.

The final scene of “Virgin Dreams II” seems to be its signature, as the dream elements of the movie as well as its very hardcore sense of innocence are also evident.

As a homeowner, I am grateful to “Virgin Dreams II” for giving me a new way to think about my house. No longer will I think about “The Amityville Horror” when my roof leaks; I will simply think about Natalli Di Angelo getting a rogering by the pool.

Watch “Virgin Dreams II” here

“The Sex Bus”: Pubic Transportation at its Breast

As we told you on our exclusive backstage look at “The Sex Bus” last month, “The sign says Kulonjarat but the real destination is about nine inches up Black Angelika’s ass.”

We are not really aware of a destination in this Vaginal Mystery Tour, as getting there is the thing that’s important.

Director: JF Romagnoli
Starring: Amy Cameron, Gilda Roberts, Jasmine Black, Simony Diamond, Linda Brown, Black Angelika, Jasmine Rouge, Louise Black

Scene 1: B/G/G/G

Our journey begins with a tasteful bang as the lucky groom of Black Angelika shares his new bride with her two bridesmaids and the bus driver careens through the streets of Budapest drinking champagne.

I’m not saying that Sex Bus drivers are menaces on the road; I’m just saying that, unless it is you fucking Black Angelika, there is no reason to be on the road.

Scene 2: B/G

The ancient scrolls describe Scene 2, featuring the delicious Linda Brown, thusly:

Down in at the mechanics Linda Brown needs her oil changing, she needs some lubrication to get her engine running, that the mechanic can get his gear stick into her gaping asshole!

You might say, “But where’s the bus?” and I would reply, “You do not have your priorities in order.”

Scene 3: B/B/G

Simony Diamond comforts two weary travelers who have missed the Sex Bus. How does she comfort them? By stripping to her high heels and blowing them through the bars of a cage.

I missed at least three buses on my recent trip to Hungary, but not once was I given a blowjob for it. Maybe it’s because I don’t speak Magyar.

Scene 4: B/G

Jasmine Black is in a loving and committed relationship with the bus driver. Despite this, she is jealous of the goings-on on his bus. To show her disapproval, she wears his hat and fucks him.

Perhaps you are thinking, “If everyone resolved conflicts like Jasmine Black, there would be word peace.”

That’s right, my friend. But since there’s not enough of Jasmine Black to go around, I’d like to give her a peace prize personally.

Scene 5: B/G

Oh, Gilda Roberts. With your tiny breasts and ladylike white stockings, you are too refined for a Sex Bus. That is why you deliver tasteful pantsless lapdances at clubs.

Scene 6: B/G

My favorite scene features Amy Cameron. Many of us have imagined fucking a stranger on a bus, train, airplane, zeppelin, or hydrofoil, but the sinful Ms. Cameron is up for the job.

Don’t get me wrong – she’s not easy; she waits a full minute as her anonymous partner rubs his dick over her tits before she finally starts blowing him. That is because she is a Lady. Leave the quickies for the ice cream truck, I always say.

Watch “The Sex Bus” here

Back-fucking-stage at “Ibiza Fucking Island”

Believe it or not, visiting some porn movie sets is not fun. Performers might be going through the motions, the director might be insane, the location might be some hellish warehouse.

Then there’s Ibiza.

The great thing about being “backstage” for three days on “Ibiza Fucking Island,” first of all, is that you are on a fucking island.

This changes everything, as everyone involved, cast and crew alike, relax. There are no other obligations than to shoot the movie. Performers even bring bathing suits they don’t need high heels for.

“This is more vacation than work,” said Gilda Roberts, whose first scene, a night-time poolside frolic, sets the tone for the movie. “If I had the choice, I would be fucking by the pool anyway.”

Tarra White is a veteran of Private movies and knows her way around a beach.

“You see that I get sand on my pussy but not in my pussy,” she said. Hold on. Let me look closer…

Jane Darling is also experienced with sex outside, and she took a pragmatic approach to the working vacation.

“I can work on my tan when I’m not getting fucked,” she said. “When I am getting fucked, then I must be very smart with my sunscreen. Because it is very hot under the sun and the lights.”

No, Jane Darling, you are very hot.

Watch “Ibiza Fucking Island” here

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